Guess where I went!!!

To the Monterey Aquariam... I have lived in California bay area my whole life... but growiing up my parents were too busy with thier lives so they were never able to taek us anywhere or anything. Growing up I worked soo much ..so I finally said to myself take a day off and go cehck it out... I had soo much fun!!! omg...

i seen otters, sharks!!! i love sharks they intrigue me .... there is soo much to learn about them, and whales that i can sit all day and watch programs about them...all day long.

Anyway so I spent most of my day at monterey and ate at bubba gumps... shrimps can go with everything... lol so that was my day... it was not too much to write about .... but ill tell you the experiance was great... I haven't relaxed in a long time and it was nice,....

wow what a day....

So I have beem thinking a lot latley, you would be surprised..BTW I am sitting here typing with one hand, while the other has mehndhi on it... lol ahhh my little hobbies that I have... ok so back to my thoughts... I have been to a lot of weddings this year..

i mean a lot... and you know every wedding I have been to, I end up doing mehndi.. anyway so today was the first time that I was able to sit there and enjoy the party... you know.. danced and watched the mehdhi get put on.. but as I was sitting there watching all that I looked around and seen the family, how the brides dad's family stuck together with the brides mom even after the girl father wasn't around. It made me wonder about whatever happened to my dad's family, where are they?? Why didn't they help my mom out when she needed it the most?? They all helped make my mom's life miserable... All those nights I have seen my mom wake up in the middle of the night cause of night terrors... They did that to my mom... and now when she needs thier support the most they are not anywhere to be found...
Hate isn't a word I can use on them, it's too cruel.....but I will never forget what they didn't do. it makes me sad to know that I might not get that... to be honest with you my sisters are all happily settles with thier life partner, it's just taking me some time, maybe since I was soo close to my dad ... and he betrayed us.. I am not ready to deal with him not being thier for my big day.. I hate him.... but at the same time I feel sorry for him... cause that is still my dad...

anyway driving home it was quite.. i tried to crack a few jokes for my mom so she wouldn't be soo quite.. it didn't really work... *see I like to smile.. stay happy... I dont like to cry or stay mad or anything.. i hate it ... i am a chippy person with a chippy attitude.... so when i see people around me I try to break the ice and make them smile... Hey it's free why not??? *

soo i laughed and my mom looked at me and say's "now the only thing i need to live for is your wedding, then i'll be okay" like what a thing to say ... what a thing to say... how is that suppose to make me feell... and I lost it! i did. YOu know what!! I did... cried... cause I thought of my mom alone... in this big house alone.. noone to take care of her... why is that?? why do girls have to leave the family and go move into a family that wont guarantee that same love she was raised with...that makes me upset that I am livign with my mom, and hte only way for me to move on and have a life of my own is if I get married, and what if I marry the wrong one? What if he hates my mom and sisters and what if he cheats or what if he falls out of love with me??

My heart just sank and my eyes just filled with water typing that....it did... I don't want to make a mistake... I want to be happy and be with someone that will accept that fact that my dad was a cheat he betrayed us. I want to be with someone who accepts me. Someone that wouldn't care how many times my dad cheated and whatever he did in his life... someone who wouldnt care if I gained 5 lbs or lost 10. I want him to love me and respect me for his women, nothing lesss.... I have so much love to give, I want that someone to give my love to. I want to be able to be with someone I can have morning breakfast with and talk about our day ahead... someone I can cuddle with on the couch and watch a movie... just little things... I don't know where I started to talk about and where I ended up... but all this talk about why i need to leave the house at a certain time and why reminds me I need to get ready soo i can meet the bride at her house and do her make up and hair.

I gotta go... but i might be back to finish..

wow!!!!!!!!

it's been a long time since I last wrote on here..

Well it's ten minutes til three... and I still haven't slept yet. I dont like to sleep at home by myself, so instead I sit her and watch videos on Sahara one. You know there was once a time that I want to act and model soo much, but I never thought I was preety enough to do any of that, I just wanted to do it cause I liked it. that was random for me to say that out of no where... lol.

Well, I have been thinking about a lot of things lately, it seems as though that is the only thing I can do... I think about my life in 2 years... you know I will be 27.. wow and it makes me think where did all these years go.. adn why did they go by soo fast. I really didn't have a childhood that I can recall being my own. I had to grow up fast. I have a single mom and sisters... no Brothers... I mean I have my little brother, but he wasnt mine to begin with, he was said to be my brother by my dad. That's all that he ever wanted was a son. He got him however he did. But all the things that have happend along the way to get him into our lives, makes me think was it really worth it?

I love my little brother more then life itself, but I can care less for his mom and my dad in that matter. He shouldn't have to go through hell becasue he is a kid who had no fault in the matter of what my dad did to my mom.

I just hate men that are unfaithful, not loyal and cheat. It's upsetting and I belive because of that action my dad decided to take, it made it very hard for any of his daughters to accept a man being good. It's sad I know.

Well anyway I have worked hard my whole life ... when I was little I remember my mom and dad having two jobs and i would stay home with my older sister and we would have to make dinner and stay home alone cause mom and dad were saving to get a home for us. I was 6 when I first learned how to make roti... Im very happy for my mom being a strong women, especially then growing up .. indian were cruel ..well still are... but she managed and raised 4 Daughters in todays world with all the negitivity around. I love my mom and she is great.

My dad is still alive but I don't allow him to take part in my life... I live with my single mother and she deserves that much from me being her child.

Well.. I guess ill just end this at that.. and if i decide to add more I will... but til then, Satshriakle.

oh and by the way I have a myspace... add me if you like...

www.myspace.com/rajorani

Raji